Faithful Working Mom

As a stay-at-home mom, I was crushing it. I was doing all the things – working out every day, making healthy meals for my family, and keeping up my home (thanks to my Passionate Penny Pincher home planner!). And all with a two-year-old on my hip. My house was clean, I was healthy, and my family was happy.

That’s what I told myself, anyway.

In all honesty, even as a SAHM, I actually had a hard time keeping up with all the things my planner – with all it’s well-intentioned to-do lists, quarterly home maintenance checklists, and Bible reading plan – had suggested I keep up with every day. But I still thought I had it (mostly) together, giving myself tons of grace as a new mom.

So, when it was time to make the transition to go back to work, admittedly I was scared. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to keep up the facade of the quasi-Susie-homemaker I had become. I had some good habits, but they hadn’t been put to the test, and I knew with my new schedule they’d be tested.

Still, in my mind I was going to do it all. I was going to will myself into doing it all. Because that’s what moms do, right?

On the outside, I was optimistic, but I still had doubts, and the questions flooded my mind. How was I going to keep up with all the housework? How was I supposed to make dinner every night after coming home after a full day of work? And not the frozen dinners, but the made-from-scratch dinners I was supposed to make? Wipe my counters and sweep my floors? Every day!? When was I going to have time to work out or work on myself at all? And you want me to have a quiet time and read my Bible too?

Simply put, how was I going to continue to do everything I was already doing as a stay-at-home mom while going to work outside of the home for 40 hours a week!?

I dreaded that first day at the office. I had been in mommy-land for so long, and I didn’t know any other way to be.

I needed advice.

If I’d asked my mom how she did it all, she would tell me that she’d stay up until 2 am to clean the house while everyone else slept. She had four kids and had at least two jobs for as long as I can remember. She also managed to find time to make fresh bread and scratch meals and crocheted doilies by the hundreds. Seriously, Sally is in a league of her own! But, since I require sleep, I had to find another way.

Next, I did what any rational person would do: I beelined it to the Facebook group that would have all the answers – the most organized group of women on the planet who were already doing everything. You guessed it, the Passionate Penny-Pinching home planner group.

They had their planners, their budgets, their checklists, their meal prep guides. They had all the mommy hacks on the planet, so surely, they’d be able to help with this little hiccup of 40 hours a week away from home. Hopeful and expectant, I asked this group of stay-at-home moms, wives and retirees:

How do I do it all?

I received some helpful feedback:

“Ask for help!”

“Just do the most important tasks each day.”

“Clean one area of your house each night.”

“Do one load of laundry each day.”

“Meal prep, meal prep, meal prep!”

All great advice! It was definitely scratching my optimistic, do everything and be everything, checklist-loving itch!

But one comment almost got lost in the sea of encouragement and hope:

“You can’t do it all.”

Ouch. Talk about a gut punch.

That…was humbling. And hard for my performance-driven, people-pleasing self to take in. I’d been over-achieving and doing-it-all (okay, knowing-it-all) for most of my life. I wasn’t ready to hear this.

But brutal honesty I could take. And brutal honesty was what my rose-colored glasses-wearing, grit-my-teeth, grin-and-bear-it, clench-my-fist, will-power-wielding-self needed to hear.

Gulp.

If I’m being honest, I was discouraged. But looking back now I realize that was the most important, honest and kind advice I received.

I needed to learn to be at peace with doing my best with what God had placed in front of me – loving God and my people first and being content with my life. Checklists, meal prep, and health plans are great, but these were going to be the most important and hardest lessons for me to learn.

The penny-pinchers were right, you do need help. You need a plan and good habits in place. You need a few checklists. You also need prayer. Oh, do you need prayer! But if your foundation – your faith – is weak, you’ll fail. You can only grit your teeth and white-knuckle it for so long.

Transitioning back to work is hard. Staying at home with kids is hard. Life is just hard. But work is not meant to make us miserable. God gave all of us a job to do, and it’s our job to be faithful in that calling and find the joy in it. You’re not going to arrive overnight and instantly have the perfect work-life balance (that’s not even real). These things take time. But remember that you’re not alone. God is able to give you peace in the midst of chaos.

As a working mom for three plus years now, I’m still not sure if you can do it all and have it all together. At least not all at the same time. But I’m figuring it out. I’m learning how to adjust, re-prioritize, and most importantly learning to let go of perfection and learning to be content. I’m learning to lean into God and let go of the expectations I put on myself (and the imaginary expectations of others). No longer am I a mommy martyr – I’m happy!

Whether you’re a working mom who gets to do that at home, a 40-hour a week in-office working mom, a stay-at-home mom, you’re doing it for your family, or you’re doing it for yourself. You’re doing it for the right reasons. God has you where you are on purpose and for a purpose, and it’s your job to respond faithfully to the tasks he’s given you to do – fixing your eyes on him!

You can’t do it all, but God can.

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12: 1-3

Let’s run our race on purpose. Stay faithful. Finish well.

Laurel